If it matters, be there.
Do not wish you could be there. Do not lament about time or distance. Do not, for God's sake, say, "I have to work for a living."
If it matters: Be There.
2 minutes watching your kid or your nephew or your friend's kid win a soccer match/win a stupid Principal's Award for picking up crayons/go down a slide is FAR MORE valuable than spending any number of hours wishing you could or regretting that you didn't.
Just a few minutes of real face time and shared experiences overshadows any amount of wishful thinking.
I spent months wishing I could go to a friend's wedding, resigned to the fact I wouldn't be there. Couldn't be there. My husband sensibly got me boozed up on $14 wine and told me to go.
But what about the cost? The kids? What about work?
Go, he said.
I took 7 days unpaid leave. I travelled 31 hours one way. I paid $3000 for the plane ticket and put my family in minor debt. I abandoned my students. I sat in the LA airport reading a Time Magazine article on Attachment Parenting Theory while my 20 month old daughter was in New Zealand.
I got to be there and despite the money, the missing my family, the scratched up rental car, the $250 speeding ticket, I don't regret it for a second.
People are great talkers about life: I've love to know my nieces better. Mardi Gras would be amazing. My best friend has married an Australian. My kid is playing her first basketball game. My grandmother's funeral is on Monday. My wife is running her first 10k. My flatmate from university has cancer. My Mom retired from 40 years of nursing last month. My sister is having a baby in July.
There are some big events in our lives and the lives of the people we love. Marriages, births, deaths, break ups, illnesses, retirements, divorces. These are the events when we most need our friends and family. So what is your excuse for not being there?
I live so far. I don't have the money. I wish there were more hours in the day. I have to work. I have a meeting. My kids need me. (Do they? Every second of every day? Do they not have a father/auntie/grandma/favourite babysitter? Use your village).
When all is said and done, more is said than done. Aren't you sick of listening to yourself? If it matters, go. Drop your other responsibilities and stop being such a martyr (especially you mothers). Your family, colleagues, social hockey team, coffee group will survive without you for a day or two. In fact, they might benefit from your absence.
Spend your time being where it matters with the people who matter. I guarantee, you'll feel good about it.
Do not wish you could be there. Do not lament about time or distance. Do not, for God's sake, say, "I have to work for a living."
If it matters: Be There.
2 minutes watching your kid or your nephew or your friend's kid win a soccer match/win a stupid Principal's Award for picking up crayons/go down a slide is FAR MORE valuable than spending any number of hours wishing you could or regretting that you didn't.
Just a few minutes of real face time and shared experiences overshadows any amount of wishful thinking.
I spent months wishing I could go to a friend's wedding, resigned to the fact I wouldn't be there. Couldn't be there. My husband sensibly got me boozed up on $14 wine and told me to go.
But what about the cost? The kids? What about work?
Go, he said.
I took 7 days unpaid leave. I travelled 31 hours one way. I paid $3000 for the plane ticket and put my family in minor debt. I abandoned my students. I sat in the LA airport reading a Time Magazine article on Attachment Parenting Theory while my 20 month old daughter was in New Zealand.
I got to be there and despite the money, the missing my family, the scratched up rental car, the $250 speeding ticket, I don't regret it for a second.
People are great talkers about life: I've love to know my nieces better. Mardi Gras would be amazing. My best friend has married an Australian. My kid is playing her first basketball game. My grandmother's funeral is on Monday. My wife is running her first 10k. My flatmate from university has cancer. My Mom retired from 40 years of nursing last month. My sister is having a baby in July.
There are some big events in our lives and the lives of the people we love. Marriages, births, deaths, break ups, illnesses, retirements, divorces. These are the events when we most need our friends and family. So what is your excuse for not being there?
I live so far. I don't have the money. I wish there were more hours in the day. I have to work. I have a meeting. My kids need me. (Do they? Every second of every day? Do they not have a father/auntie/grandma/favourite babysitter? Use your village).
When all is said and done, more is said than done. Aren't you sick of listening to yourself? If it matters, go. Drop your other responsibilities and stop being such a martyr (especially you mothers). Your family, colleagues, social hockey team, coffee group will survive without you for a day or two. In fact, they might benefit from your absence.
Spend your time being where it matters with the people who matter. I guarantee, you'll feel good about it.
Well said Ade. Well said indeed. It's like taking a day off work to spend time in Toronto. No matter the time of day, a road trip is always better with you! Great to have you here. I will start saving for NZ
ReplyDeleteYes. Thank you for being there!
ReplyDelete