How to Make Friends

Disclaimer: I do not claim to be an expert. I have moved country 4 times and moved cities 11 times. As a former Navy-brat, I am well experienced at finding the good peeps.  The quality of my friends indicates I am doing something right. The following are tried and true!

1. Steel yourself. Not everyone likes cheese.

The Queen, apparently, doesn't like cheese.

I am not everyone's ideal friend and you aren't either. There is going to be some rejection. However, I hearken back to the wise words the Canadian über writer, Margaret Atwood. I believe she was discussing her writing but the sentiment applies. "Not everyone likes cheese." Cheese is creamy deliciousness which goes well with wine. Some people don't like cheese. This does not mean cheese is not a fatty, delicious gift from cows (and dairy farmers).

Margaret Atwood, clearly, loves cheese.

2. It's a numbers game.

Think of friend finding as jeans shopping. Try on EVERY cut. You cannot tell whether they suit you if they are on the rack. Theory friendship and practical application of friendship are entirely separate. So you need to apply a person to you and your life to see how they fit.

No prejudging on clothing, age, make-up, job. You don't know. I have been classic for assuming I can't be friends with girls who wear make-up (because I can't be bothered to). However, now that I'm over 30, most women wear make-up. So I really need to let go of what I think these women may think of me.

Important note: I have always bonded easily with men who wear make-up. David Bowie in the "Labyrinth", anyone?

3. Shared experience.

A coffee date is a lot of pressure. Very popular in N. America but spilling your guts over caffeine to an almost stranger is not how most countries roll. Give yourself something neutral to talk about.

Over the years I have made friends while rowing, at Stitch'n'Bitch, in yoga classes, at netball (worst sporting experience ever), volunteer coaching, shopping, training for a half marathon walk, aqua jogging, carpooling, at Ladies' Tea, gestating, singing (off key) in a choir, at pregnancy yoga (getting knocked up is a solid way to meet new people), running, getting a bikini wax, learning to draw, learning French (speakers of foreign tongues make awesome new friends), taking a tai chi course with old people and taking up Roller Derby (it's amazing how much hitting a bitch bonds you).

Dunedin Derby

I did not love all of these activities. I didn't even like some of them, but that's not the point!

4. Don't wait for an invitation. Create an invitation.

And lots of people are waiting on one.

When I set up my local Stitch'n'Bitch, I invited more than twenty people.  A year later, there is a solid 5 of us who meet once a month. So, do the Maths.  There is less than a quarter hit rate who stuck around. A quality quarter!

I pushed Friday drinks at work for years! It involved a lot of middle aged men and talking about mountain biking (which I have little interest in). I had a great ski house to stay at, garden veggies delivered to my work, people to eat lunch with everyday and a lot of wedding guests.  And these guys have cool kids who are artists, world travellers and fashion designers my age who may, one day, also be my friends.

Open Walking dates. I've done this a few times. Make a weekly starting time and place. Some weeks some people will come, others they won't. Make it a flat track. A standing, no pressure, open invitation is one of the least intimidating opportunities in the social world. And if once in a while you're on your own, at least you can commune with nature for a bit!

There are some exceptionally good places to walk in my adoptive country.

5. Be your own best friend.

My Dad has always said this. A friend once told me she thought this was incredibly sad. I disagree. My Dad is not particularly social but he's content, likeable and has a few quality peeps. It's important that you rate your own company if you expect others to!

Good luck and happy friending!